It’s one of those things you don’t see until someone puts it out for you and then when they do you can’t stop seeing.

{Via}

That had bad ass kung fu scene written all over it. Till that womom with a squeaky voice ruined it for the Mastah!

…and we ended up laughing ever after.

Get into a cah and go to a bah and get drunk but don’t drive real fah.

Marriage
Image by jcoterhals via Flickr

Madtrimonials

DOCTOR:
Recently a love-bug injected in me strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage.
I’m looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded and keeps away from all sins be it anaSin, metaSin or croSin.
I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects.
Apply or reply.

SOFTWARE ENGINEER:
Wanted a Girl with a Lovely Look & Feel, Good GUI with Security features (privileges only for the Specific User especially critical Functionalities).
There must not be any Critical or Medium Bug in her. Low Bugs can be deferred But needs to B fixed by the Next Build.
She must not be PLATFORM INDEPENDENT, USER FRIENDLY. We are ready to Test the Application & CERTIFY the product but we will assure it will never be released to ANY OTHER Customer.

LAWYER:
I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage.
The person whom I’m looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl.
The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. My self.
Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained.
Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.

BANKER:
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

DRUNKARD:
Wanted a girl.
Girl’s father should preferably have a soda factory.
I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come home.
Friends come home only seven times a week.
Girl preferred will carry me from bar to ghar-bar.
Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample.

CAR MECHANIC:
Wanted a sturdy wife.
Should be in working condition.
Should be above average and must run the household at a good average.

SHAYAR:
Badi muddat ke baad ek arzoo jaagi hai,
Ki hum bhi shadi shuda ho jaye,
Kya vajah shadi karane ki jo kahde sahi sahi,
To yaaron ab khud se kaam ghar ka hota nahi.

BEGGAR:
Allah ke nam pe koi ek biwi de de,
Doosre ki nahi to apni hi de de,
Allah tujhe ek ke badle do dega,
Hillary hogi to Monika bhi dega

****

Reverend John Fluff was the pastor in a small town in Ireland.

One day, he was walking down the high street when he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer.

The Reverend wasn’t happy. He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman. ‘Miss Fitzgerald,’ he said sternly. ‘This is no place for a member of my congregation.

Why don’t you let me take you home?’ ‘Sure,’ she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The Reverend realized that she’d had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her.

When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

The pub landlord looked over and said, ‘Mate, we won’t have any of that carrying on in this pub.’ The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, ‘But you don’t understand, I’m Pastor Fluff.’ The landlord nodded and said, ‘Well, if you’re that far in, you might as well finish.

Cool story, bro! That’s one expensive drink you had.

A Fire extinguisher
Image via Wikipedia

BYRON McMahon forced the evacuation of an Irish bar in Townsville by spraying the contents of a fire extinguisher all over the place.

Six people, all aged in their early 20s, required medical treatment after getting chemical foam in their eyes and on their faces, hair and clothes.

McMahon was drunk at the time and Magistrate Damien Dwyer said he accepted that there was no malice involved in the incident and that it was “a prank gone badly wrong”.

A 19-year-old apprentice carpenter, McMahon pleaded guilty in the Mackay Magistrate’s Court yesterday to six charges of common assault, one of unlawfully using a fire extinguisher and one of causing wilful damage, all at Flynn’s Irish Bar and Bistro on May 3. {Read on}

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