After reading this, I found myself sitting at my desk, clapping my hands and smiling from ear to ear.

The head coach of the Cleveland Browns is looking for a new quarterback when he sees news footage of a man in Afghanistan.

This man is fighting the Taliban and in the space of a few seconds, the coach sees him burst through a wooden barricade, knock down ten armed soldiers, run 100 yards in ten seconds, pick up a grenade laying on the ground, and throw it through an open window of an armored vehicle driving 75 yards away at 60 miles an hour, blowing it up and saving his village.

The coach gets on a flight and signs the guy to be the new Browns quarterback. After re-writing the NFL record book, he leads the Browns to victory in the Super Bowl!

The jubilant quarterback calls his mother and says “Mother, we won the Super Bowl! Did you see?”

His mother spits at him, “Don’t you talk to me. You are dead to me!”

Confused, the QB asks, “But why?”

His mother replies, “You left us here! Your father caught a disease and was in the hospital on life support, and the corrupt government let the power to the hospital be turned off and he died. Your sister was kidnapped by a gang off the streets and we fear she is dead, or worse. There was no fresh water to the house so your brother went down to the lake to get water, and he was horribly burned because the lake caught on fire!”

She hisses, “I will never FORGIVE you for making us move to Cleveland.”

*~*~*~*

Two Polish hunters from Cleveland hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged four.

As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only two moose.

The two Poles objected strongly, stating, “Last year we shot four moose, and the pilot let us put them all on board, and he had the same plane as yours.”
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all four were loaded.

Unfortunately, even at full power, the little plane couldn’t handle the load and crashed a few minutes after takeoff.

Climbing out of the wreck, Stanisilaw asked Wladek, “Any idea where we are?”
Wladek replied, “I think we’re pretty close to where we crashed last year.”

 

Either you SKATE or you STEAK

This is how a skate shop and butcher share a sign.

It’s one of those things you don’t see until someone puts it out for you and then when they do you can’t stop seeing.

{Via}

Fuck you Siri!

Here’s Why Siri Says Some Wildly Offensive Shit When You Ask ‘What Is an Indian?’

This mysterious video tugs at the strings of my curiosity. I shall raise a glass of the old Claret with any kind scholar brave enough to sink his teeth into this riddle.

Pause at 2:24 if you would like to solve it yourself.

{via}

Some people are just too stubborn to learn how to cook for themselves.

RANDOM4

I think this guy is funny. Funnier than many of us. Sad though that this world has turned so much dumber.

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