What is this wizardry you speak of? Everyone knows you can’t put a glowing lamp inside a clock!

The architecture of Buchwald’s industrial creation fuses his distinctive design principles with his vivid imagination. The steel-and-brass base of the clock, measuring 1.2 meters, displays insect-like limbs supporting the central body while steel brackets enclose the Nixie tubes like arms gripping time; flexible, tentacle-like tubing “nourishing” the Nixie tubes with energy and information is at the core of the composition.

Farny manufactures Nixie Machine II’s modern, vacuum Nixie tubes in his workshop in the Czech Republic. Each tube features a steampunk-like inner structure awash with honeycomb grids and tungsten wires smelted with glass lighting up filigree digits encapsulated in blown glass cylinders. {Read on}

nixie-machine-ii_frank-buchwald_2_lres-2k-cover-thumb-1440xauto-32627

After reading this, I found myself sitting at my desk, clapping my hands and smiling from ear to ear.

The head coach of the Cleveland Browns is looking for a new quarterback when he sees news footage of a man in Afghanistan.

This man is fighting the Taliban and in the space of a few seconds, the coach sees him burst through a wooden barricade, knock down ten armed soldiers, run 100 yards in ten seconds, pick up a grenade laying on the ground, and throw it through an open window of an armored vehicle driving 75 yards away at 60 miles an hour, blowing it up and saving his village.

The coach gets on a flight and signs the guy to be the new Browns quarterback. After re-writing the NFL record book, he leads the Browns to victory in the Super Bowl!

The jubilant quarterback calls his mother and says “Mother, we won the Super Bowl! Did you see?”

His mother spits at him, “Don’t you talk to me. You are dead to me!”

Confused, the QB asks, “But why?”

His mother replies, “You left us here! Your father caught a disease and was in the hospital on life support, and the corrupt government let the power to the hospital be turned off and he died. Your sister was kidnapped by a gang off the streets and we fear she is dead, or worse. There was no fresh water to the house so your brother went down to the lake to get water, and he was horribly burned because the lake caught on fire!”

She hisses, “I will never FORGIVE you for making us move to Cleveland.”

*~*~*~*

Two Polish hunters from Cleveland hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged four.

As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only two moose.

The two Poles objected strongly, stating, “Last year we shot four moose, and the pilot let us put them all on board, and he had the same plane as yours.”
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all four were loaded.

Unfortunately, even at full power, the little plane couldn’t handle the load and crashed a few minutes after takeoff.

Climbing out of the wreck, Stanisilaw asked Wladek, “Any idea where we are?”
Wladek replied, “I think we’re pretty close to where we crashed last year.”

 

My grandfather was a well respected lawyer.His best line: “I can explain it to you, but I can’t comprehend it for you.”

30 great one liners

‘I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception.’ ~ Groucho Marx (1890-1977)

‘My Dad used to say ‘always fight fire with fire’, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.’ ~ Peter Kay (2 July 1973-)

‘I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.’~ Tommy Cooper (1921-1984)

‘Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.’ ~ Woody Allen (1 December 1935-)

‘My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.’~ Billy Connolly (24 November 1942-)

‘Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.’~ W.C Fields (1880-1946)

‘This radio lark’s a wonderful hobby, y’know. I’ve got friends all over the world, all over the world… none in this country, but friends all over the world.’ ~ Tony Hancock (1924-1968)

‘My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely.’ ~ Les Dawson (1931-1993)

‘Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.’ ~ Spike Milligan (1918-2002)

‘If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.’ ~ Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)

‘Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little.’ ~ Gore Vidal (1925-2012)

‘I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means ‘put down’. ~ Bob Newhart ( September 5, 1929-)

‘I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was “Shout For Help”. ‘ ~ Jimmy Carr (15 September 1972)

‘I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.’ ~ Ken Dodd (8 November 1927-)

‘Never trust a man with short legs… his brain’s too near his bottom.’ ~ Noel Coward (1899-1973)

‘The English country gentleman galloping after a fox is the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.’ ~ Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

‘I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back.’~ Eric Morecambe (1926-1984)

‘Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.’ ~ Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I remember my staff asking me when I was going to retire. I said when I could no longer hear the sound of laughter. He said: “That never stopped you before”. ~ Bob Hope (1903-2003)

‘The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.’ ~ Joan Rivers (June 8, 1933-)

‘Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.’ ~ Bill Cosby (July 12, 1937-)

‘I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.’ ~ Mae West (1893-1980)

‘He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!’ (in Monty Python’s Life Of Brian) ~ Terry Jones (1 February 1942-)

‘Politics is just show business for ugly people.’Jay Leno (April 28, 1950-)

‘Infamy! Infamy! They’ve all got it in for me!’ ~ Kenneth Williams (1926-1988)

‘The film industry is like Anne Robinson – always on the lookout for a new face.’ ~ Jack Dee (24 September 1961-)

‘I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup.’  ~ Jerry Seinfeld (April 29, 1954-)

 ‘War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.’~ Ambrose Bierce, author of The Devil’s Dictionary (1842-1913) 

‘Trying is the first step towards failure.’ ~ Homer Simpson (1987-)

‘Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into.’ ~ Oliver Hardy (1892-1957) to Stan Laurel (1890-1965)

I dress to kill, but tastefully.

Guy’s Tee Shirt of the Day.

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I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.

Dog Tag

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How the human Yoda must have looked like, this is. Hmmmmm

 {More here} {Yoda speak generator}

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