A Few Funny Indian Tweets

*  Maybe Yeddy could be sent to Kashmir. In a few years, all the land will belong to his family, and all problems will be solved.*
*  100 phones tapped each day per operator. Finally we have a government that listens to us.*

*   Vote for Baba Ramdev. He’ll be the PM who can help you make your ends meet. Your head and toe, that is.*
*   Mayawati, Jayalalitha & Mamata should now form an alliance. They can call it Behenji-Amma-Didi. Or BAD, for short.*

*   Kalmadi’s aide is in jail. Raja’s aide is dead. Satish Sharma denies ever having an aide. India seems quite serious about eradicating Aides.*

*   Police Manual: if it’s one guy, take a bribe. If it’s a couple, harass. If it’s a bunch of people, lathi charge. If it’s a mob, disappear.*

*   According to Census 2011, there are 940 females for every 1000 males in India. Those 60 unfortunate men join the Ram Sena, I guess.*

*   Dear Baba Ramdev, we can’t ban 1000 & 500 rupee notes. We are a secular country. So we need to respect all denominations.*

*   Some days, Digvijay Singh makes no sense. Other days, he is silent.*

*   Two weapons against corruption: Lokpal and Chappal.*

*    A documentary on Air India’s planes – Saare Zameen Par.*

*    I really don’t understand why people consider alcohol to be a problem. Chemically speaking, it’s a solution.*

*    Since 1977, West Bengal has been crawling along at approximately 0.00000000001 kmph. They’ve just covered 3 CMs in 34 years.*

*    Gandhi would have been a great bowler. He could spin as well as fast.*

*    Baba Ramdev is going to create an army with a headcount of 11,000. Or a leg-count of 22,000. Depending on which side is up.*

*    25-paise coins to go off circulation from Jun 30. The govt feels they can’t handle one Anna, so there’s no need for four.*

*     Every night families in rural U.P. must be shuddering in anticipation of Rahul Gandhi piling on to their dinner and whacking their charpai.*

*     Kalmadi: So what are you here for?
Anna: Jan Lokpal bill. And you?
Kalmadi: Er… video bill, sponsorship bill, catering bill, etc.

*     All MPs to get iPads. Awesome. As Om Puri would say, from anPad to iPad in 3 days.*

*     Bangalore may have a nice past. And a great future. But there’s no current.*

*      Anna Hazare breaks vow of silence. So Manmohan Singh wins this one.*

*      PM says India and China are good friends. Of course we are. We have so much in common. Like Arunachal Pradesh.*

*      What? Russia has banned the Gita? We should immediately retaliate by banning “Problems in General Physics” by Irodov.*

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