Things I Learnt From Movies

1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.

2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while scuba diving.

5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note – just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.

11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

12. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

15. All single women have a cat.

16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings – especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

More {here}

74 Responses

  1. Things that you learn from watching movies

  2. what about black people almost always die first?

  3. Thing I learned from reading blogs:
    Some idiot will always repeat the title, for god-only-knows what reason.

  4. Dont forget, that insane killers will always find a way to get a head of you even though you had an enourmous head start.

  5. yes Christell, you’ve got it!

  6. I love this list! I think 15 of these are all in any Bruce Willis movie.

  7. Also:

    You can and will survive the most horrific car crash with no more than minor bruising. You will also be able to get out and just far enough away when the car explodes.

  8. you forgot to mention how everytime someone’s being chased and ends up at a door, they knock and expect an answer…

  9. Funny really, theres more thing in fact.

  10. That list is older than me, I believe… Funny anyway ;).

  11. Bad smells rarely exist in movies as well!

  12. True that!

  13. No. 20: The “good guys” use Apple computers.

  14. things i just found out that i have already learned from movies….

  15. Its true. Every woman does have a pussy.

  16. Also, if aliens should ever invade earth, they will always have superior technology but a simple weakness like water or bacteria.

  17. 3, 5, 6, 8, 13, and 17 are soooo true

  18. 20. If you need to steal a car, the keys are usually above the visor.

    21. The password to someone’s computer is usually the name of their child or something visible from their desk.

  19. i also learned that in some parts of the world we hear the thunder the exact moment we see the lightening …
    where i live … there is usually a gap of few seconds …
    hehe …
    good list …

  20. Nice work, particularly number 16.

    If I may, allow me to compliment your list with “How Hollywood sees computers“.

  21. yeah, this is brand new stuff you came up with.. not.

  22. I think #15 is true, at least in the UK.

  23. 20. Digital bomb detonators start beeping on every second once activated.

  24. :O

    you forgot that everybomb can be deactivated by only cutting 1 wire

  25. 17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

    may actually be true if the man is using a fire escape at the time; one man can be shot at more than 20 times before a bullet hits; if you are nearly out of rounds then your bullets count for more and often kill more than one person each; and when you take a bullet, your dying words become destiny.

  26. Now I can see that all my t.v. watching time is edu-macational.

  27. …just.. wow.
    All of these make complete and total sense. xD
    C: Very nicely written as well.

  28. So very true, thanks for making me and my gf laugh out loud.

    Great list.

  29. Don’t forget:
    When 2 people are chasing each other, either on foot or on cars, they will always cause great damage to a fruit cart. Other sidewalk vendors are in no danger. Anyone carrying plate glass across the street is toast.

    You can always evade pursuers by ducking out a garage door that’s closing. It will always let you through, and close on the people following you. (Also sometimes referred to as the ‘Harrison Door’, after the frequent appearance of it or devices like it in all of his movies.

    Computers always run the Mac OS, and email messages are routinely written (and received) in 72 point type. Oh, and if you are a ‘computer wiz’ and need to hack a computer or break into a high security system, you’ll always find the thing you are looking for int he directory named ‘Top Secret Files’.Even alien computers can be infected by any computer virus running on any operating system.

    That spot near the Brooklyn Bridge with the park bench is always empty and ready for a romantic moment.

    Bullets make spectacular fireworks when ricocheting off nearby metal.

    No one ever gets hurt when people fire into the air.

  30. You will fall in love with anyone you hate at first glance.

  31. I seem to remember from the fine book “The Year 1000” that medieval peasants had *better* teeth than we do because they ate less than 5 grams of sugar a year.

  32. 15. All single women have cats.

  33. Dunno about #5 though. John in Die Hard seemed like he had a hard time getting to the lower floor through the ventilation system.

  34. don’t forget the standard action movie adage: “If it looks impossible, there’s a good chance you can do it anyway.”

  35. 20. It is completely normal to end a telephone call without a goodbye by simply hanging up.

  36. The awkward, glasses-wearing, unpopular girl will have her glasses removed by the boy she likes at the end of the movie, revealing that she is in fact the most attractive girl in the whole film.

  37. 2. ‘L’ shaped sheets eh? I always wondered how they did that.

    6. Hogan’s Heroes will make much more sense to me now.

  38. 25 year old women will happily have relationships with 65 year old men who aren’t rich.

    Everyone who types anything does so at about 50wpm by bashing on random keys and never has to use the backspace key.

    If you are involved in a car crash, you are either killed outright or receive only minor injuries. Airbags never go off. Cars routinely explode, roll and flip but never display any signification distortion to their frames.

    No matter how or where you hit someone, you won’t injure your hands. Conversely, no matter how or where you are hit, you won’t have any swelling. All bruises are purple. Teeth never come out or chip, even when struck directly with extreme force.

    People rarely go into shock or become disoriented when injured. Blood loss is rarely an issue, even when wounds are huge. Hearts can be started and stopped with a defibrillator. The only place you can get sunburnt or suffer dehydration, is in the desert.

  39. Thats so true. Nice list.

  40. And where did you get this list?

  41. pretty funny and true yet that is what makes movies fun to watch i guess

  42. Harris asks:
    > And where did you get this list?

    Google on any phrase, such as “It will always be the exact fare” and you will find 100+ copies of this list.

  43. Correctoin to this one:
    6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

    It should read:
    Should you wish to pass yourself off as a non-american, it will not be necessary to speack the correct language. Just use a british accent and you will be passed off as an Englishman, a Russian, a German, etc.

  44. @Harris, Viadd
    Never for once claimed anything on this blog is original (read my) content…everything reaches me by email…this time someone chose to digg it…the rest is…well…you and all the others happened! 🙂

  45. 1. is definitely true because all movies are really set in Nepal which has at least one religious festival on every day of the year.

  46. When someone is shot or stabbed, he or she generally falls to the ground and dies instantly, without uttering a sound, and with very little blood spilled.

    A person who is thrown through a plate glass window is never injured in any way, and the window instantly shatters into small, harmless fragments.

  47. 21. The password to someone’s computer is usually the name of their child or something visible from their desk.

    Unfortunately this is sometimes true. For instance when I was reconfiguring the Windows network in the church office for a church I used to belong to I wanted to log into the accountants computer as her, to test some things.

    I looked around her desk and spotted a wedding photo of her daughter and new son-in-law. Just for the heck of it I tried her daughters name as her password. Sure enough that was it. Scary.

  48. I already knew these things long ago………

  49. Gravity is conditional. If you need it, it will not be there but if you let go of a steel bar it will fall to the floor with a clank.

  50. All the cops answer the phone saying their name

  51. Also notice, in movies, people dont use mouses, they type the hell out of the keyboards for anything they have to do; like resizing images to incredible detail.

  52. i wanted to post something

  53. All middle-class families have large, spacious homes with sweeping staircases and large, green yards.

    Even the working-class dogs in L.A. have nice houses at the beach.

    Sometimes, tough guys can endure extreme beatings without a scratch. And other times they can be knocked out with a single punch.

    This whole “obesity” thing is just hype – few people are actually overweight – and even fewer are ugly.

    Women detectives are smokin’ hot and always wear heels.

    Jr. High schoolers look like Jr. High schoolers, but High Schoolers look 25 years old.

    Even the average Joe can fly a fighter jet, when the need presents itself.

    Cowboys never miss.

    There’s always a cab waiting for you at the curb.

    A good hacker can break into any system in 15 seconds or less.

    No “work” actually ever gets done at work, people just sit around and talk.

    Most bosses are still too stupid to dial their own phone calls.

    The fastest way to unwrap a present is to simply lift the lid off the box.

    There is no distance between two buildings that is too far for a good detective to jump.

    If you tell your boss to stick it us his arse, break all the rules, wreck lots of cars, violate laws, and cause tons of property damage – all to catch a purse snatcher, you will be rewarded with a promotion!

    The president of the U.S. actually has qualifications, and I.Q. above 80, and can speak in complete sentences.

    If you sustain a serious and bloody injury, ignore it and it will stop bleeding and you will receive the superhuman strength you need to take out the bad guys.

    That outdoor skating rink in New York is completely UNCROWDED during the holidays!

    Tough guys always wear leather jackets.

    A typical clip holds about 1000 rounds of ammo.

    Probably the easiest way to kill someone is to rig a bomb up to their car so that it will blow up when they start the car.

    You know those cold cases where dozens of detectives have given up after spending months futily turning over every stone? Well, there’s always something really obvious they missed that a kid, amateur or lover will uncover immediately.

    Criminals confess when confronted with the evidence, thus eliminating the need for a trial.

    Hot women dig average-looking guys.

    All it takes to turn around a poverty-stricken, gang-bangin’, inner-city school is an idealistic white person.

    Cooking a huge, multi-course meal doesn’t really mess up the kitchen. And the dishes usually do themselves.

    a Totally outclassed bunch of beginners, can defeat the champs if they just believe in themselves and work as a team.

  54. These are called common film conventions. They are simplified ways to relate information. I have found a few
    Necklaces can easily be removed by being pulled off but also put back on by simply linking the end behind the neck.

    Heroes are easily identified because animals and small children like them and then someone says: “He doesn’t like anyone”. the opposite applies to villains.

    Anyone who coughs or sneezes will soon become seriously ill and will almost certainly die.

    Fat people are always dumb or funny or both.

  55. […] these, I learned that the geek always gets the hot chick with glasses.  Then I tried.  Dumb […]

  56. in any war movie, if someone has a locket with a picture of their lover in it, and they show it to the rest of the guys, HE WILL DIE, no exceptions.

  57. If a man is having a shave at a barber shop, he will always be disturbed halfway through and have continue the scene half shaved.

  58. […] Very funny stuff. The entire post is here: Things I learned from movies […]

  59. “in any war movie, if someone has a locket with a picture of their lover in it, and they show it to the rest of the guys, HE WILL DIE, no exceptions.” – That’s a great one!

  60. It should be called “Stolen list of movie-jokes that has been around since the 70:s…”

    Write you own material!

  61. Hey thanks S___amson…
    Thanks for providing the entertainment we so desperately need in such times by commenting without reading…and even if you read by not understanding…
    Thanks you made my day…har har har…

  62. Funny compilation. There’s a bunch of these you can get on shirts too:

  63. […] Coisas que aprendi com filmes / South Park garantiu mais três temporadas. O Valor? $75 milhões de dólares.) / Lista de atores […]

  64. […] Things I learned from the movies – remember that unemployed attractive young people will always be able to afford that posh loft in New York… […]

  65. #22. Most people are allergic to hiding and will sneeze at least once, possibly more.

  66. Also if a girl is been chased by a monster/someone with a gun/enemy she will most likely run into the woods. Duh!

  67. haha..this is great!

    i have another:
    When its about to rain, 4 raindrops will fall, and then it will immediatley start dumping.

  68. […] Things I learned from the movies – remember that unemployed attractive young people will always be able to afford that posh loft in New York… […]

  69. […] It seems there are some things you can’t do in a certain Beijing park while there are other things you can learn from movies. This sign will certainly make parents look after their children and some celebrities may have some […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: