Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones?

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.

Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote ‘Revelation 3:20′ on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, ‘Genesis 3:10..’

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins ‘Behold, I stand at the door and knock.’ Genesis 3:10 reads, ‘I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.’

She’s chest looking for attention.

You go girl. You have my attention!

1+1=3

{Via 9GAG}

These guys are begging for a clever caption…help them out, kind sirs!

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I had it all…nice wife, a house in the burbs, a luxury car…then I went to the gas station for a fill up…

A gas can that has a marked capacity of one U....

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My line of work is in petroleum for about 31 years now, so here are some tricks to get more of your money’s worth for every gallon of fuel:

Only buy or fill up your car or truck in the early morning when the ground temperature is still cold. Remember that all service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground the more dense the gasoline, when it gets warmer gasoline expands, so buying in the afternoon or in the evening….your gallon is not exactly a gallon. In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and the temperature of the gasoline, diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products plays an important role.
A 1-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this business. But the service stations do not have temperature compensation at the pumps.
When you’re filling up do not squeeze the trigger of the nozzle to a fast mode If you look you will see that the trigger has three (3) stages: low, middle, and high. You should be pumping on low mode, thereby minimizing the vapors that are created while you are pumping. All hoses at the pump have a vapor return. If you are pumping on the fast rate, some of the liquid that goes to your tank becomes vapor. Those vapors are being sucked up and back into the underground storage tank so you’re getting less worth for your money.

One of the most important tips is to fill up when your gas tank is HALF FULL. The reason for this is the more gas you have in your tank the less air occupying its empty space. Gasoline evaporates faster than you can imagine. Gasoline storage tanks have an internal floating roof. This roof serves as zero clearance between the gas and the atmosphere, so it minimizes the evaporation. Unlike service stations, here where I work, every truck that we load is temperature compensated so that every gallon is actually the exact amount.
Another reminder, if there is a gasoline truck pumping into the storage tanks when you stop to buy gas, DO NOT fill up; most likely the gasoline is being stirred up as the gas is being delivered, and you might pick up some of the dirt that normally settles on the bottom.

Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same. ~ Oscar Wilde

Overheard – The only thing that does NOT sway after 6 PM everyday is the local Gandhi statue. A scene in Kerala – It’s quite grim actually

{Read on}

Hey! John…maybe we should hang out together sometime.

 

Buy New Art Releases Online From ART.COM

{Via John Lytle Wilson} {Also}

The HIT MAN

And edit of an image, which is displayed in ta...

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Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, ‘Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn’t turn up.’
‘Sure,’ they said, ‘you’re welcome.’
So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, ‘What do you do for a living?’
‘I’m a hit man,’ was the reply.
‘You’re joking!’ was their response.
‘No, I’m not,’ he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautifulSniper rifle with a large telescopic sight. ‘Here are my tools.’
‘That’s a beautiful telescopic sight,’ said the other friend, ‘Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.’ So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.
‘Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha ha, I can see she’s naked!! Wait a minute, that’s my neighbour in there with her. He’s naked, too!’
He turned to the hit man, ‘How much do you charge for a hit?’
‘I’ll do a flat rate for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.’
‘Can you do two for me now?’
‘Sure, what do you want?’
‘First, shoot my wife, she’s always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth.
Then the neighbour, he’s a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson.’
The hit man picked up the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.
‘Are you going to do it or not?’ said the friend impatiently.
‘Just be patient,’ said the hit man calmly, ‘I think I may be able to save you a 1000 here….’

Little People Series

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{smallest Woman} {smallest man} {Smallest mom} {Little couple} {Miniature animals} {Mr. tough guy}

I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen. ~ George Carlin

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