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I’ve often been asked, “what do you do now that you’re retired?”

Well, I have a chemistry background and one of the things I enjoy the most

is turning beer, vodka and wine into urine.

And, I’m pretty darn good at it!! Thank God i paid attention in school!

This morning, I had to deal with one of our HR secretaries, and it was déjà vu.

When I first started to work for this place I was in HR. I had passed my interviews and was doing paperwork as part of the hiring process. The HR secretary and I had the following conversation:

Her: Can I have the phone number of the consulting company where you worked for the past 6 years?
Me: I was self employed. I am the owner and sole employee of the consulting company and I would be happy to answer any questions you have.
Her: No, I need to call to verify!
Me: …But you’ll just be calling me.
Her: I have to call — what’s the number?
Me: The number of the office is [my cell number].
(note: I’m standing 2 feet directly in front of her. She dials the phone and I answer.)
Her: Hello — this is Paula from Initrode Global, calling in reference to Snoofle’s employment.
Me (both into the cell phone and to her): I know, I’m standing right in front of you.
Her (into the phone): Could you please verify the dates of Snoofle’s employment at VirtuDyne, Intelligenuity and Initech?
Me (reading from my résumé that is laying on her desk in front of her): VirtuDyne: a₁ to b₁, Intelligenuity: a₂ to b₂, and Initech: a₃ to b₃.
Her: Great, thank you! *click*
Me (directly to her): …Did you not notice that you were talking to me right here in front of you?
Her: I know, but I have to call to check these things.

At this point I walked away, wondering if the rest of the company would be just as WTF-y.

{via}

Cool video

In Pharmacology, all
drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade
name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called
Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called
Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been
looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team
of government experts,
it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of
Mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were
Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course,
Ibepokin.

Thought for the day:
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on
Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly
population with perky boobs and huge erections and
absolutely no recollection of what
to do with them.

If you don’t send
this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing
in the world.

Also Read

This has to be read, laughed at and passed on. There is not a woman alive today who won’t crack up over this!

I was due for a cancer smear with the doctor later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor’s office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am . I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn’t have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn’t going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pyjamas, wet the facecloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the facecloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I’m sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, ‘My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven’t we?’

I didn’t respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal - some shopping, cleaning, & cooking.

After school when my 7 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, ‘Mummy, where’s my facecloth?’

I told her to get another one from the cupboard.

She replied, ‘No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter saved inside it.’

NEVER going back to that doctor

Fun with brands - Jane’s Brand-timeline Portrait

http://dearjanesample.wordpress.com/2008/05/19/fun-with-brands/

John Terry’s new boot sponsorship deal

Wild boars thwart thief’s getaway

A herd of wild boars has thwarted a suspected car thief’s getaway. Police in Schwerin, northern Germany, said the 18-year-old abandoned a stolen vehicle he was driving after failing to shake off a chasing patrol car by driving into a field.

The driver initially got away by running into nearby woods.

But officers then heard the fugitive shouting for help - he had run into a herd of angry wild boars which were keen to protect their young.

Police rescued the man from the boars - and took him into custody.

First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, “There’s something he’s needing.’ “
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.

Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
‘Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.

Then he added a mouth.
Ruined the whole thing.