A woman was in hospital a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. one of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, ‘As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little ‘0ral sex’ will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.’ The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.
The husband finally agreed and went into his wife’s room. After a few minutes the woman’s monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. ‘What happened!?’ they cried.
The husband said, ‘I’m not sure; maybe she choked.’
NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND.
Joe took his blind date to the carnival. “What would you like to do first, Kim?” asked Joe.
“I want to get weighed,” she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser.
He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.
“I want to get weighed,” she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.
“I want to get weighed,” she responded.
By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, “How’d it go?”
Kim responded, “Oh, Waura, it was wousy.”
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A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. “I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!”
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: “I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself.”
“The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had the same procedure done some time ago.”
“And what about the third rose?”, she asked.
“That’s from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears.”
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For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, ‘Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is £280,000 and your mother just lost her job so there’s no way we can afford it.’
The next day, the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, ‘Son, where are you going?’ Little Patrick said ‘I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her say wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be damned if I’m staying here by myself with a £280,000 mortgage and no bike.’
Filed under: Adult Humour, Entertainment, sharon
VERY clever.